These lovely, hard working, enterprising women are, right to left, my fraternal Great Grandmother, Gurtrude Hofius, and her daughter, my grandmother, Verona Parker. Grandma Hofius had a produce stand on Hwy 169 in front of their farm outside of Champlain. My Grandma Parker had her farm stand in Elk River, MN, right on Hwy 10. They are to me a reminder of my proud heritage of amazing, strong women who loved the natural world and their unique place in it, and ability to bring that to others in the form of healthy, local produce before it was fashionable.
It's been great to be home and the last 2 weeks have been full of springtime energy and it's awesome! It's been great to be back to the gym and then I also started a bootcamp type outdoor fitness class 2 days a week that is REALLY kicking my butt! I went back for more today after really pushing myself on tuesday, so I must like it. I always feel really good on days when I work out or run in the morning, more relaxed about what happens in the day because mentally I already feel like I accomplished something really important for my well being.
It's been interesting getting back in close contact & parenting with Leo. He really was attached to Eric when I first got back and now it's evened out and he is accustomed to Mommy doing things for and with him again. But is was challenging at first-we had to have a couple time outs for hitting and I never took it personally when he said he wanted Daddy to do this or that, but mostly I just told him that Dad was busy and it was going to be Mommy's turn and we struggled thru it.
My mom had most of her doctor appointments to decide about her upcoming surgery while I was gone, so that was hard, but I am making sure to spend lots of time with her now and enjoying that for the first time in a long time. Mom was in pretty bad shape when I got home, though, she had been taking a sedative that was WAY to strong for prolonged use and not OK for her to use anyway due to her chemical dependency issues. She went way downhill physically and mentally, to the point where she couldn't remember my name while I was gone or use her phone, much less take care of herself or walk around. So when I got home I promptly just went over and took those pills away. There's a lot more to it and my sister and I are both pretty angry with my Mom's neighbor and enabler/friend (whom I call Crazy Judy) who kept giving her those pills and the social worker who overstepped her bounds with medical privacy issues. It gets frustrating because it's always something new and challenging in a different way with this situation and it seems like we always have something new to stay on top of. But for now she is in a transitional care facility until her surgery in 4 days and doing a bunch better and much more clear headed. I am having a hard time with the surgery because I was gone during the meetings. Each time she has a medical intervention of this magnitude (they will be cutting out all of her remaining tongue and grafting in tissue from her arm to form a tongue-like piece) she has a harder and slower time coming out of it. She did so poorly in September 2009 that I thought for sure she wouldn't survive another surgery like that. And I've learned that when a surgeon tells me a procedure went great, what they mean is their tiny part of it, regardless of the rest of the patient. The truth is, I don't foresee this surgery having a positive impact on either the quality or quantity of her life and I don't feel like I have anywhere to go with those thoughts now that it's all decided. And to top it all off, Mom was so confused during those appointments that she doesn't remember them at all...AT ALL. And she is making those decisions without all the information. I think when she goes in for her preop physical I will ask about hospice care and see if a professional can come talk to her about what that means because I have some real concerns that this is going to make things a lot worse and that going forward based on what the doctors predict without taking our mom's specific situation into account is not for the best for her and her remaining quality of life.
Aside from the above, life is going really well and I am so enjoying springtime with my family. Leo has been talking sporadically about the baby sister he wants and a recent dinner conversation went like this:
leo-so you don't have a baby in your tummy, momma?
Me-no, not yet, buddy. But you know, Leo, when she comes, you will have to share your room with her.
leo-OK...I will move way over and she can share my bed with me.
eric-Aw, Leo, very cool or you to share like that.
leo-yeah, and when there's a storm I will scoop her up and bring her into your bed and we can all sleep together so she won't cry or be scared.
eric & I-leo, you are going to make such a good brother.
He is a great kid.
I am getting farm stuff in order and making plant and planting seeds ect. I have several people committed to buying CSA shares from me and more interested and just waiting on more information from me. I'll set up our blog and website this weekend. I'm also in contact with a couple smaller markets in saint paul. The mpls was fun, but I really don't want to do one that big again, it's just too hard to make money with the fees and so much competition. I'd rather have less people and more market share in a smaller, more personal venue.
Earth's Blessings,
Ellen, Eric & Leo
