Long thoughts & taking action

I consider myself a feminist and I have an embarrassing admission - my 3 1/2 your old son doesn't have a doll. No tea set, no playfood, no pretend kitchen anywhere in sight, either. He does help me in the kitchen with cooking and helps both Eric and I do some cleaning chores, but the only toys he has to play with are well into the land of 'boys' toys. I have every intention of changing this and Eric is happy to help once I pointed this out, but I'm disappointed in myself a little. I had meant to have him a handmade, waldorf-style doll like my mom did for me, but I just haven't gotten around to it, yet. I'm trying not to think ahead to the day when he tells me that's something only girls do and it makes me wonder how much influence do I really have, anyway? Let me illustrate this with a story...

Once upon a time in our house about a year ago, Leo started playing with my tools. I keep a toolbox in the house with tools that are mine so that I know where they are and they are available to me and in the house(not garage!!) when I need them. Some of these are high quality handtools from back in the day when I fixed airplanes for a living and some others are a motley collection of household-grade tools.

We do not watch TV in our house much. In fact, it's not hooked up to an antenna of any kind and I'm happy to say I've never seen a single episode of American Idol or Biggest Loser. So I thought some of the societal things about gender would wait until school age to raise their ugly heads. Until one day when Leo was playing in my toolbox. He proudly insisted that these were Daddy's tool when we talked about it and he wasn't convinced when I told him otherwise. The saddest and most frustrating part of all? He didn't believe me until I enlisted Eric's help and then finally when Eric started reinforcing that they were, indeed, my tools, then it became true. lame...

I have already modified my own behavior when I noticed about 2-3 years ago that when I greeted a little girl I knew, I was much more likely to comment on her appearance than I was about some activity she was doing. I was guilty of reinforcing to girls that it was their appearance that mattered to me and not what they were learning or doing. But, now that I've started to pay more attention, I realize that I haven't done nearly enough to counteract even a little of the gender bias that essentially covers almost every advertising space in our country. It's not OK in my world to just complain about something if I haven't done everything in my power to change it. Are there members of my extended family who disparage women and girls in large and small ways? Yes. Do I have friends who use various slangs for female body parts to insult each other? You bet. Have I done some of these things myself? I wish I could say no, but I can't.
I'm off to stew on what I can do in my own small sphere.